So this last week was a whirlwind.....
I swear everytime i see Devin i come up with a new definition for love....
she picked me up after a long trip on the train and just seeing her face made my day so much better....
We went home and took a nap and to just have her in my arms made me feel i had already died and her embrace was the gentle reissuring touch of something quite angelic.....
when we awoke..... we decided to see a movie and have dinner....
we went to see P.S. I love you.... a chick flick.... but i loved this chick flick it was such an amazing movie..... if you havnt seen it your missing out on an amazing film its gripping and blissfully morbid.....
When we left we went to an Italian restraunt  (Pane Vino) the food and wine was wonderful the lasanga was better than any i have had in a while and the pino i had with it was amazing.......
Well after that will be for devin to write about......

Tags: devin.christmas.visit
Current Location: Back in Lorton
Current Mood: touched
Current Music: Served faithfully by: Ani Difranco

 I am so excited Devin, the love of my life, is coming to see me on sunday....... its been a couple of months since ive seen her... life is just never the same after she leaves though,,,,,its so great while shes here and when she leaves the feelings kind of rejuvenate our relationship.... i cant wait until i see her on a daily basis and we can start worrying about other life issues that are more important.... i cant wait until i can wake up next to her....smile.....and turn over and fall asleep with my hand in hers....

Devin i love you

Tags: devin/visit/love
Current Location: Waiting hours down until train time
Current Mood: in love
Current Music: "Safe and Sound" by:Azure Ray

 Yes....i know... totally uncool in so many ways...but heres the truth......
im sitting here listening to my eclectic taste in music you know a very well rounded arsenal of a true musical connisuer(sp)
and all of a sudden something hits home something completely cheesy and that something is Avril lavigne's" Keep holding on"
and yes i could of been listening to a lot of things that are musically better and more in depth but for some reason that song hit home i think in times of crisis or even less in times of stressful numbness.. a little bit of Avril isnt a bad thing.... i think at times the silly things are what make us smile when nothing else can.........

Tags: lol
Current Location: Lorton- in my home
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: Keep holding on" by: Avril Lavigne

Girl....woman.....insecurity.....crying.....happiness.....my fate...
all words that describe one person in my life.....
I dont need to say her name because she is the only one whom this will apply to so...
just know that i love you and your fears are my tears and your laughter is my pride and joy
so now the back story......

      i met her when she was only 14 years young...she came to me, in such purity a girl who from the first day i met her, i knew that at the least she was magical and at the most she was heartstopping...... 
when she graced me with her presence she was in a torrid relationship that was doomed from the get go, and i was in a string of flings that i was filling my time with to forget my past endeavor with the one woman that could break me, i had already been at it for about a year when i met my fate at the movie theater that night.... i was drawn to her like a kid and their bigger or little sister would be.... always protective....and at times frightened..... i was frightened by the beauty she bestowed.....it haunted me......and i dont mean just physical beauty.....but a feeling that when ever she was around all i wanted to do was run away and hide because i felt that if i stayed she would see straight through me....she would see straight through the brotherly facade...and right into my heart,,,,and in my heart she would see.....
how no matter what was said i always would know exactly what she was saying....
no matter how she felt i was their to comfort and hold her in times of tears......
what ever happened sometimes in our relationship she would have to come to terms with the fact
that i loved her and their is nothing she could do or say that could take that away from me.......

Over the next two years, we stayed best of friends, a friendship that to me was kind of strange because...
everything was (and still is perfect) we spent our time mostly on the phone but when we got together it was like i had nobody but her around me and the fact that in my heart she knew this and also felt the same way was what made this friendship so perfect......

Now their was a time, were we werent talking and that hurt me more than anything...but because of my horrid relationship at the time and the person i was with i couldnt talk to her.....stupid reasons but i was dumb......

June 30th 2005
Was the day it all came together, i had finally broke free of my previous relationship endeavors, and Devin and i had been talking for a couple weeks and it was just the same as it was before except their was something else in the air, see up untill this point we hadnt been single at the same time the whole time we had.......

Current Location: Lorton
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: "Were all in this together" Ben Lee

 
most alluring!!!!!!

Current Mood: contemplative

 Personal sacrifices are neccessary..... but what happens when thoughs sacrifces.... become not only decisions but what makes up your life....over the last few years i have made some really important decisions......but i feel that some of thoughs decisions also empowered myself to destroy a little piece of me... the piece that had conviction maybe??? or the piece that would change the world... i know that in some situations especially determental instance the sacrifices i made saved my life but.... i still feel that i could of held on to a little piece of it....that didnt hurt....

     With every day i remember is another day that i have forgotten...... 
I have done so little but yet so much....
i see my self sleeping my life a way....
were does it end...
i see my self screaming.....
into an endless microphone....
life is endless untill the day your gone....
but at the same time i feel like.....
skin and bones..

Something i just came up with.....
their it is....an example....
my life is trying to leap out of me....
because i am so boring....
I dont deserve such a complex mind....
     But it is time to use it or loose it

Tags: wow
Current Location: Out of body experience
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Slipknot's Vermillion Prt 2

What a beautiful girl

 
Oh So Beautiful!

Tags: ani dec 11th

12:55 A .M.                 

So tommarow i go back out on the train and like all trips i will probobly be completely irrational about my performance, you see the problem is that at 14.44 an hour, full benifits, union membership and retirement  plan (((especially without a college degree this is the best job that i have ever had, and i worry everytime that my performance is lackluster at best.....

So i have came to the conclusion that life is just like that.....but i dont like it.... I feel yes...life is hard but it should also be fun and at best blissful.....So how do i change..??? i mean its hard enough just trusting myself to let my guard down with my job....but when i did i slipped into not caring at all...and it came back to bite me in the face....I dunno maybe a couple more months and i will feel comfortable....

When i was 17....I had a livejournal...... and at that time life was going to be different for me..... i was on my way to University of North Carolina at Greensboro to study Music Education.... But reality set in and i decided that it would be easier for me to stop pretending and join the work force... it took 4 years to get to that point but at the same time im a lot more " settled" Emotionally and economically.....

I dont regret this post because some times even the most happy, blissful people need to slip into depression

On melted star caps,
Marley Hendrix

Tags: ho*hum
Current Location: Getting ready for work on the Auto train
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "News" by: Jack Johnson

I thought that once you embraced your early 20's life was supposed to be one endless road trip..... All i want is endless boundries so if one day i want to get up and move to portland i can....or in the same degree settle down? i could but when your on the road literally it is hard to have any type of schedule or lack their of....... i'm coming up with a plan but my pen is inkless right now,metaphorically but soon i will write my sweet memoirs and all of this will become null and void....... 


I am 22 years old 
i am in love with joining/creating subculture
i am not a beat/hippie/enviromentalist/feminist/gay/lesbian/dandy/nouveau/straight
I AM ALL
I live in a small town in virginia.... you might of heard it.... but if you have you most likely took the train i work on 
and are probably over the age of 60

there will be more so please listen and help if you can

Current Location: In Lorton
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Blur